The whole world was warm when I was born
I’d know, I was awake you see
Couldn’t open my eyes but besides that
I was fine
Especially when Mommy bathed me down
And after she snuggled me with one last lick
On my back chilly air started to creep
I thought ‘damn, this world is cold’
And decided to go back to sleep.

Looking back that might’ve been an overreaction
But you see I really do have a right to overreact
I’ve been taught extensively by Mommy and my whole family
It was fate, I’m simply great
Just because I was born a cat.

My sisters taught me to use my claws
My brothers taught me to pounce
My mommy taught me which animals are most tasty
Which mice, birds and other babies to trounce
And Daddy taught me to take pride in being alone
For he was never there you see
But even in his absence Mommy taught me grace
Poise, precision, and how to make every move with agile dignity

And the most amusing lesson I’ve ever learned
Is how silly humans can be
They’ll adore you to death and feed you for life
For just sitting there, half awake
While they lavish comfort on you and
Coo in voices so fake
It’s an unforgivable crime against your pride
But you know, it feels so good.
I don’t really mind.

But between sleep and exploring every corner of the globe
It’s a wonder I find time for leisure at all
And those humans, so proud of that inflated spongy brain
You know they’re only smart enough to maul
To clumsily walk and violently kill
So little intuition that half a saucer would barely fill
All the cracks and creases stuck in their messy minds
It’s baffling.
But you know, they still pet me
Suits me fine.

It’s tough to have such and agonizingly comfortable life
But I always persevere, after all I’m a cat
And put quite simply:
That’s that.