Stunningly wonderful, my dear. It has such impact and emotion an such consistency. I really think you've done a wonderful job here. Very nice, very nice.

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blessed be~*~phoenixreal

Without the darkness, there can be no light. Without the light, there can be no dark. Between, there casts the shadow. I am that shadow.

Wow...The first few stanzaas did pose a very interesting question. Love it! It really did make me think. Very cool.

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The coast was lit brightly by the celestial stars and the waning moons, the ocean breathing rhythmically with surges of sea foam across the shore.

It was good to be home.

I'm actually gonna comment on your comment first. I thought that was really funny how you ended with the yard stick. That was funny. Now to the part you probably want comments on, the poem itself...


It's good...long, but good. Long isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just felt like mentioning it because that's just the kind of mood i'm in. I also like to ramble...anyways...
I don't know if you've read Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, but the first couple of stanzas had that feel to it. Especially the second stanza. Bah, I wish I could critique this in person 'cause I'm way too lazy to write eveything I liked, why I liked it, and how it works or could work better.

The third stanza...is that written right? I'm not sure. I have a hard time trying to follow what your saying. I'm not sure if maybe you omitted words, put some wrong words in, or maybe that's what you're trying to say exactly. Me personally, I have a hard time following it. A little clarification would be nice, maybe just take a second look at it.

The fourth stanza makes me think of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. That aside, I like the concept that you brought up in that stanza. It's amazing what little random acts of kindness can do for people. You may not think that the way you act makes a difference, but I know people who have saved other people's lives because they were randomly kind to that person, and for a moment, that person felt loved and important. I also know people who have recieved a random act of kindness and have their lives saved because of it. I think it's an important thing that people are nice to eachother. You don't necessarily have to like a person, but sometimes it's not such a bad thing to go up to someone and just say hi and start up a random conversation, or help some complete stranger out when you see them having a hard time. Ok, enough preaching...on with the poem...

Ah, the madness of a circle. It truly is inescapable. The world and life revolve around cycles and circles and spheres and...tetrahedrons?...no that can't be right....anyways...I always find it amusing when people say that they're going to be different by conforming to a group. It's the circle of acceptance and rejection. Even life and death have no definite bounds. People can't agree on when life truly begins, and even death doesn't have black and white boundaries. What about those who are mentally dead, but physically living? Then there are those who break out of the circle and, like you said, spiral downwards into despair. If that's the case then that would mean that life is a sphere in which there are multiple circles of different sizes, but I don't feel like getting into philosophy right now...maybe I'll write another scrap book about that...

A pause in the fantasy and wish for a friend? Why am I having such a hard time grasping that...Do you mean (i)a pause in the nightmare of the downward spiral, or (ii)a pause in the disillusioned world of a troubled mind? And who's making the wish? The (a)troubled person, or (b)those who are constantly walking in this circle?
Here are my interpretations:
ia)A depressed person who is having trouble reaching out to those around him/her.
ib)Those around the troubled person need to reach out and help this person who is rapidly falling out of control.
iia)A person who is so far gone into his or her fantasy world that they're trying to drag other people into it.
iib)The disillusioned mind tries to break free of the fantasy through use of those around him and is having trouble reaching out to those who are constantly walking because they won't take the time to stop and notice the disillusioned mind.
Just let me know if it's any of those, and if not, then what you mean please.

3rd line 7th stanza: Is that "one" supposed to be there? Looks out of place.
5th - 9th line 7th stanza: Powerful, spiteful image. I can feel the contempt residing in your writing. It's true that everyone is a hypocrite, but to make a counterpoint, not everyone is a hypocrite by choice. Sometimes, in order to find the best solution to a problem means that one has to deviate from his or her beliefs for the benefit of those around him/her. One example (although kind of weak) is that someone kills a friend in order to end their pain and suffering even though they swore that they'd gladly give their own life for that person.

Powerful message in the last stanza. It all seems so futile in the end doesn't it? It doesn't mean that one should ever give up though. No matter how futile the journey seems, no matter what hardships you encounter along the way, and even if you trip and stumble along your journey, you should always keep moving forward, matter how rough the terrain may seem.

Overally, I really liked this poem. It's very powerful and very moving. I think it would be really interesting if you wrote a counterpoem to this poem. I think it'd be a nice, interesting challenge. I'd also like to see the result. Great job, powerful images, strong writing, awesome message. Keep up the good work.

Wow, long comment above me. If I had the mind span to tear apart every poem in the universe, I surely would, but since he's already taken that pleasure and I don't want to bore you agian, I'll tell you what I think about in short.

The concept is so original - all your work is, that's why I fav. you and read you, and watch you. (not a stalker, for clarification.) Also, the flow was pretty nice - I could read it through without stopping, which is good. I liked it, it's powerful, and it provokes thought.

thank you very much for the comment....(and fav? it isn't coming up but if you did i appreciate it anyway ^^) glad you liked the poem so much

appreciate the fact that you always seem to leave comments, many kudos!

wow jerry...long poem? that was a really long comment.

but dude do i appreciate it, love the way you really dive into the work, extremely helpful....even if you do leave funny comments on my user page...~_~.

teehee, am kidding. anyways, thanks for the awesome review, may many kudos rain down on your video gaming soul!....

*manical laugh*

^^, thanks very much, i'm glad it had such an impact

and thank you for the fav, also very much so appreciated...

...kudos! bye bye for now

thanks very much ^^,

glad you're still around on DA by the way...haven't seen much of your poetry though....looking forward to some of your posts if they're coming, if not that's okay too....bye bye for now....

anytime.

no, no fav. I just said I faved a lot of your other works ^_^ I'm an avid reader.